youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
