sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
