Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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