why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
