Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
