Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
