Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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