so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
