He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize