People with herpes should wear stickers.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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