I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
