thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
