I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
