I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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