Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize