didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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