this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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