I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
