once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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