he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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