Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
