So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
