the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize