she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
