I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
