im six kinds of drunk right now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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