Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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