The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
