when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
