i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
