you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize