Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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