Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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