I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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