there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
