You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
