So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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