drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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