She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize