I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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