the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
