I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
