You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
