I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
