The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
