a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
