We won't sleep together?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
