Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its about making memories worth repressing
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
