They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
