margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize