She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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