he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
