Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
