Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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