I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
