im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
