He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
