I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
