Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
