Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
