My nipple is on Facebook.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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