he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
