It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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