the condom got lost in my hair
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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