is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
