So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
