Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
