16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
