anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you told grandpa to call you daddy
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
