We won't sleep together?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
