I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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