I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
