You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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