he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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